March 21, 2011
12345 Lovely Street
Until recently, I loved every single thing about you. From your rolling hills to the lights that you string up around the holidays to the pond that looks like a paint by number turned real life – your existence was a huge plus when we picked out our home. The swan that lives in said pond occasionally stressed me out because I worried about what would become of him in very cold weather. However, Mr. LLW has assured me that “swans just love the cold” and, whether that’s true or not (sometimes Mr. LLW tells me things just to make me happy and I don’t fact check because I want to believe him), we’ve been through 8 seasons and he still seems fine.
In short, until very recently, I just adored living near you.
And then you put up the “fresh killed turkeys” sign. For the love of G-d – WHY?? WHY???? Driving by the dairy cows happily grazing in your fields was once the highlight of my morning commute. But now, all I can think about is what sort of unspeakable acts are taking place behind your picturesque walls.
I hope you’re happy.