Crack Salad.

If you’re still here after my last etymology driven post where I all but dragged out my OED, then we’re in this together for the long haul.  You’ve seen my inner nerd for all she’s worth and it didn’t scare you away.  So read on.  I might test you further one day with a rant about the difference between “which” and “that” (it’s not that difficult, people!!) – but I think you’re otherwise in the clear.

So, back to something a little more fun.  Salad.

No really – run with me on this for a minute.

Mr. LLW and I joined a CSA for the first time this year.  We’ve been enjoying the early bird season and are trying hard to stick with those foods day-to-day – because we’re trying to eat clean…and also because our share of the haul each week is A LOT of freaking food and filling up my composter quicker is nice but not quite worth the weekly price we paid for our share of the farm.

Still, there are a few non-CSA staples that we enjoy that I still make regularly.  One of them is The Crack Salad.  I’m sort of proud of it, so when my friends and I were putting together the menu for a friend’s baby shower I volunteered to bring it.  Granted, it’s just a salad, but for a girl who’s not exactly known amongst her friends for her culinary skills – last time this particular group got together I served up a puddle of brie – I was sort of excited to bring it.  It is, after all, the crack salad.  And I more or less made it up myself.

The crack salad is pretty darned simple.  It goes like this:

-Huge pile of romaine & radiccio

-Dried cranberries


-Crushed Rosemary & Olive Oil Triscuits

Brianna’s New American Salad Dressing

Once in awhile I throw in an avocado, but it’s not necessary.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider this “cooking”.  There’s a very healthy handful of things that I’ve started cooking from scratch since I “pulled the shoes out of the oven” so to speak, and I don’t consider this one of them.  But it’s REALLY freaking good.  Necessity was the mother of invention here – we were out of my usual crunchies one day so I reached for what we had on hand.  Now the rosemary Triscuits are the essential ingredient in what was once just a very tasty, Cosi-esque salad.

So yesterday morning before the shower, when Baby LLW went down for his nap, I pulled out my ingredients.  He was coming along to the shower so I knew I needed to have things ready for quick assembly once I got there.

Step 1: Gather ingredients.  This is when things first started to go awry.

“Honey, where are the Triscuits?”


“The Triscuits?  For the salad?”

“Oh yeah.  I finished them a few days ago.  I needed a quick healthy snack.”

Riiiiight.  Setting aside the whole “um…Triscuits = quick healthy snack?” issue, IfreakingneedthedamnedTriscuits.

Step 2: Quickly determine that I cannot possibly make it to the store and back, get myself together and get Baby LLW up, ready, fed and changed in time.

Step 3: Dejectedly reach for the chow mein noodles.

Step 4: Prepare ingredients:

1.  Open the stupid chow mein noodles and dump them with unnecessary force into a tupperware container.

2.  Eye up the gorgonzola and think about whether opening it and dumping it in with the noodles will render them a horrible mush in the next 2 1/2 hours.

3.  Throw caution to the wind and open gorgonzola; dump it in with the noodles.

4.  Open cranberries and dump healthy amount into the mix.

5.  Look hesitantly at mixture.

6.  Leave to pull together salad dressing, bowl, tongs and a zucchini bread that I’d made the night before into a bag.  Pile next to gift bag, diaper bag and soon-to-be-loaded carseat.  Wonder again how the hell I’m going to get all of this from Point A to Point B by myself.

7.  Encourage Mr. LLW to sample 2nd loaf of zucchini bread from batch I made last night to make sure at least that turned out okay.  He polishes off 4 pieces, so I figure we’re in the clear.

8.  Look back hesitantly at mixture.

9.  Call in to Mr. LLW:  

“Hey honey, do you think gorgonzola would make those chow mein noodles soggy?  In like 2 hours?”

“I doubt it honey.”

10.  Sigh in premature relief.

11.  Remember that Mr. LLW doesn’t know anything about gorgonzola or chow mein noodles.

12.  Look hesitantly at mixture.

13.  Determine that I refuse to regress to the girl who screwed up a wheel of brie.  I will not further mess up a salad with 5 damned ingredients.

14.  Spend the 15 minutes that I have left before Baby LLW wakes up plucking chow mein noodles out of the cheese-cranberry-crunchies mix and depositing them into an airtight baggy.

Cheers to this lovely little world.






Filed under Cooking

4 responses to “Crack Salad.

  1. Karen Fauman

    :) LOL…that is all.

  2. Sarah

    Lol! I love the pictures! And the salad was delicious – I had 2nd’s and I don’t even like gorgonzola, so what does that tell ya ;)

  3. Pingback: Holy Yum. | lovely little world

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